Shadows

It’s been a very long time since I’ve last written anything new about myself. Since my last entry, I’ve experienced my darkest hour, and my happiest. I’ve experienced the utter despair of being alone, and the joy of being united together with hundreds of thousands. And I feel it’s about time I say some things that have been left unspoken for far too long.

I’m sick of this being alone thing. I’ve been alone for essentially my whole life. I’ve had many a time where family and friends have turned their backs on me, betrayed me, or simply ignored me. The hardest part is knowing it’s not entirely their fault. I’m definitely not the most sociable, or friendly person. It takes a long time to crack through that shell I’m hiding in to get to really know me. Unless you catch me at a vulnerable moment. And it hurts like a son of a bitch when I see what I’ve never had, and at this rate, never will have, laid before my eyes. A constant painful reminder of the void in my life I’ve never filled.

So far I’ve only told one person this, but now that I repeat it here, the whole world will be able to find out about it. There came a time not long ago where had I gone straight home from work, I wouldn’t have seen the sun rise again the next day. Instead of going home, I went to the VA hospital in a last ditch effort. If there was any sort of hope left in me, it resided within those ancient walls. That hope is what is currently driving me forward to September when I finally begin psychiatric treatment for this depression. Because it’s literally working it’s hardest to kill me. It has driven me from my family. It’s slowly driving me away from my closest friends. After that, there’s just people I know and people I work with. I basically have nothing left if I let it continue to tear my life apart.

It’s a scary thought that I’m left alone with my thoughts so often, and they’re the things threatening to keep me alone forever. The funny thing is, who would want to spend time with someone so close to the edge like this without getting weirded out? It’s a vicious cycle that I certainly can’t see an exit to. So all I’m left to do with myself is write these things on my phone because I don’t have anyone to talk to. Hello world, nice to see you. Wish you had something to say to me because 26 years of being alone sure takes its toll on you.
Now that I’ve written that much, I’m not sure what else there is left to say. I know there’s more left to tell, but I guess this will do for now.

Adventure Day!

I know it’s been absolutely forever since I last posted any sort of update. Well, today seemed like a great time to start again. And lo and behold, today ended up being an awesome day of adventure. I got to go hiking and see amazing views, as well as some crazy driving on not-so-paved roads. All in all, it was an awesome day, and the pictures should tell the whole story.20150509_140557 20150509_141752 20150509_143302 20150509_151305_Edit20150509_135429_Edit

 

 

 

 

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Life in Color 2014

Hello everyone! I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted or updated the blog. I’m up here in Maryland for the weekend to attend the Life in Color festival in Washington, DC! It’s a first of many for me as I’ve never been to a major music festival, nor have I ever been to a paint party. I’m hoping I get some green paint…

But anyway, I’m updating the blog to post my latest mix dedicated to the event! So feel free to give it a listen! (You can even right click the link and select Save As to save the mix to your computer!
DJ Vipe – Paint the Night [30:43]

Digital Memories

Digital MemoriesIt seems as though when people come and go, the only thing we have left of them are memories. As tough as life can be, when people leave this world at such a young age, it can truly be heart breaking. This post is about a friend of mine, who I used to work with while in the Marine Corps.

A year ago, Jon had everything going for him. His wife was pregnant with his baby daughter, he had just been approved for re-enlistment to the Marine Corps. He was even going to change his MOS to become a Forward Observer and be promoted to a Sergeant. But little did we know that the weekend of our unit’s Marine Corps Ball would be the last time we ever saw or spoke to each other. Continue reading Digital Memories

It’s Gym Time!

So it’s been a while since I last posted anything again, but life has been getting pretty busy nowadays.

For starters, I’ve got a new job, and it pays pretty well even though I’m just a temp. In about a month I’ll be hired on permanently and my pay will go UP. But for now, funds are simply on cruise control.

Now that I’ve got the new job, I’ve been hitting the gym pretty much everyday. I’ve been going to the gym for about a month now, which is about how long I’ve been at this new job. When I started, I was at 165 lbs. A month later, I now weigh 175 lbs. And my end goal is 200 lbs by Christmas time.

Continue reading It’s Gym Time!